Taking better care 

I’ve decided to take better care of myself, starting TODAY. 

Hopefully I will be writing every day for a week about how I’m feeling mentally and physically. This is my last try before I give prescription antidepressants a try, which I DO NOT want to do. 

Today I started taking vitamin D3 and magnesium diluted in juice. I will be doing this for a week and documenting how I feel along the way. It is supposed to be a cure for depression and anxiety. 

Along with the supplements I will also be doing yoga every day or every other day, running frequently, and doodling frequently (shooting for everyday). 

I hope that documenting everything will give me motivation to keep going and to take better care of myself!


This Is The Last TIme I Get High

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

heroin 2

I snapped a picture of my surroundings and sent it to him, so somebody would know where I was.

“Pretty,” he said. “Where is that?”

“Downtown Newark.”

Downtown Newark, New Jersey is anything but pretty, but nighttime hides a multitude of sins.

“Are you going to score?”

“Yes” I  texted.

“Don’t be a dumbass” he responded.

“If you don’t hear from me in an hour-there’s a problem.”

An hour later, I was laying in front of a magical Christmas fireplace with the whole family I never had.

The most magnificent church bells rang in my soul.

My brain was massaged by Kafka and Burroughs,

as I bathed in the warm golden sunshine of a perfect life.

I squinted at my cell phone at 7:45 the next morning. My cell phone alarm had been beeping for 45 minutes.

7:45? Fuck. I usually am up at 6:30. Get my kid up at 7.

My heart…

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I neeeeeeed to remind myself to come on here and rent whenever I’m I’m public or I’m thinking too hard or whatever. 

God fucking dammit Josué is coming onto me right now and I want to off myself. I feel so uncomfortable I do nottttttt know how to shut it down . Birthday ruined sort of. This birthday was weird. Why am I ALWAYS depressed on my birthday?